Top 10 Signs You Are a Bike Nut

They don’t all have to apply to you to be considered a bike nut. I’d say, greater than 50% should be enough. Or just one if it’s number 10.

  1. What do you see in this photo:
    red milk crate
    a. A device owned by Sealtest used for moving milk. All other uses prohibited
    b. Furniture for your bachelor pad
    c. A camping step-stool
    d. OMG. If I attached that to my bike I could haul anything!
  2. You look for any excuse to get on the bike.
    – What’s that honey? Church in 35 minutes? I’ll meet you there…. Nah, don’t worry about that, I’ll sit near the back. No one will be able to smell me.
  3. Due to unforeseen bike and/or pannier mix-ups, you’ve carried a change of underwear to work in your pants pocket on 2 or more non-consecutive occasions
  4. You have 3 or more bikes, but they are all used for different ‘applications’. No one else knows what you’re talking about.
  5. Despite already having 3 or more bikes. You have the insatiable desire to acquire more bikes. You can never have too much precious.
  6. You’ve drafted a fellow commuter cyclist on the way home from work. It was awkward and uncomfortable for you both, but you stuck it out until your driveway. And you arrived fresh as a daisy for once.
  7. After a month of diligent record keeping, you found that you put more miles on your bike than your car.
  8. You’re far too pretentious to admit that you know the cost of a gallon/litre of gasoline. You purposely look away when you bike past so you can plead ignorance at your workplace coffee machine.
  9. You have one bike that’s a ‘beater’. No one else you know bikes in bad weather, but you have a specific bike that’s specifically acquired for that job.
  10. Your bikes have a gender, name, and a birthday. On the birthday of the bike, you get yourself a present. Panniers, a new rack, fenders. Something you’ll both enjoy.

13 thoughts on “Top 10 Signs You Are a Bike Nut

  1. Awesome, had me laughing out loud … guilty!
    11 – If when you pull up to a light, you drag race the car next to you to beat them across the intersection (bonus points if you sip champagne and celebrate your win)
    12 – If you suffer depression during the winter months due to bad looks when pedestrians eye you up with your beater winter bike and then look the other way cause they think you’re going to ask them for change.

  2. lol.
    -I use to always have a milk crate on my bike. Found it too small for my needs though :p
    -I’m always looking for a reason to get on my bike…Though the smell thing doesn’t really apply. Even on a day like today (over +40C) I don’t sweat enough to stink.
    -I have 3 usable bikes (though really only use one), plus another 7 that need work…And yes I’m always looking for more!
    -I think it’s easy to say I’ve put more miles/km on my bike ;)
    -I’m always looking at the price of gas…Not sure why, but I am.
    -I’m too lazy to setup a beater bike, though a few years ago lost my bike from too much damage caused by the winter.

  3. I’ve got one bike with a milk crate, it’s on the back of my folding bike… got too many bikes and frames at the moment but I’ll rarely pass on another acquisition. I wouldn’t draft someone I didn’t know… never had someone try and latch on but I’d try my hardest to drop any wheelsuckers if it ever happened. My problem with beaters is that I end up loving them too much and upgrading them….

    1. I snatched a milk crate from the trash the other day. Couldn’t wait to get it outfitted. But, because I’ve got the commuter decked out with rack and panniers, I’ve got no real use for it.

  4. Dunno why the reddit readers don’t leave comments directly on the post. One reddit commenter had this to say:

    When the bike on the roof of your car is worth more than the car itself. Which, I’m guilty of. Mainly because my car sucks.

    I found that amusing. But wondered, what the hell is the bike doing on top of the car?

    1. Some people mountain bike, and driving an hour to the trailhead is the only realistic way of getting there.

      I live with two other guys, we’re all in college and pretty poor, yet we have an entire wall of hanging bikes that must be “house kept” totaling easily over $30.000. Plus we have a rack out front for commuter bikes and a back porch + closets + a shed + anywhere else you can stuff something filled with parts and frames and god only knows how much other bike related paraphernalia there is.

      Though expensive bikes are fun, especially mountain biking, I ride my multitude of free bikes just as much or more than my multi thousand dollar ones. I’ll never pass up an opportunity to salvage a bike from the dump or a dumpster or from a friends neglect!

  5. I used to work as a waiter at the Old Fish Market in Ottawa. I had hit a curb riding into work one day and the front forks bent in to the point that you had to have your pedal in the right position to turn the front wheel. Getting off shift one night I noticed my bike was gone. I just knew the theif was in for one hell of a bike ride.

  6. One more … I was riding the said bike from Ottawa U. to the Hayloft to celebrate my 26th birthday with the gang.(an aside) I had tripped home to treat myself to a mess of scallops sauteed in garlic butter along with a $30. bottle of German white from the Rhine district.(think 1970 prices). And so as I careened down Waller Street from Ottawa U. area in a somewhat tipsy state I irresponsibly said screw it to the three red lights that sperated me from my buddies at the celebritory bar. A police officer, walking the beat, pulled me over to point out the red lights he witnessed me sailing through. When he asked me where I was going I told him “to meet up with some girls and guys to celebrate my birthday. ” His response: “do yourself a favor and keep a distance from the girls because your garlic breath is wretched.”

  7. i ride my old bike every where in waterloo region i wear a jacket with PETERBUILT on the back rain shine are snowy days i m a diehard

  8. I have a reoccurring dream (nightmare) where I pop into a variety store, and decide not to lock my 15 year old Rocky Mountain ‘Hammer’ (which almost never happens). But I decide I’ll only be 1 minute so I keep on eye on the bike but while paying and getting change, some dick rides off and I run after him, hard, just a few inches from puling his sorry ass of my bike but he pulls away just out of reach. I wake up pissed off with myself for stupidly not locking the bike until I realize it was only a dream.
    Grant R (oddly enough, from The Hammer)

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